go catch it

There are so many things to do. But I find myself day in and day out reading a book waiting for life to happen to me.

Realization; it's not coming.

I have to go find it.

So, I've decided to start looking. I'm eating new things, going new places, making friends with new people I could never have imagined socializing with. Maybe I've been stuck up most of my life...?

One thing I know for sure; I miss my old self. I do not want to revert to that but to become a better version of the good foundation I had.

I will no longer strive to survive. I will strive to live. See those footprints...? I've already come a little ways... :)

coming down

Yesterday was a bad day. You can talk up everything in your life but sometimes you have to stop sugar coating things and just call them what they are; Sucky.

I kind of hate my life right now... but that doesn't mean it won't get better... eventually.

drunk

It makes me sad when people come in to IHOP drunk with a group of their tipsy friends... but at least they are having a good time together. What brings out my deepest saddness is when I see one lone drunk person come in. They sit at a big table or booth all alone eating their eggs with glazed eyes. I look and wonder why they are alone and if their aloneness is why they are drunk...?

Everyone does things for a reason.

circular

When summer hits I have this instinct to start preparing for camp and CIY... but then I realize that I am old now and I will never get to have those experiences again, even if I keep working with youth ministry. But as an adult, living on my own I'm having a ton of other experiences I've never had before... life is a continuous event... there is always something going on. :)

carver and a gyros

What to write... what to write?

Darlings, I am writing to you from the Parisian cafe in my mind... or better yet from the inspiring interiors of lovely little Andre's Bistro where my magnificent boyfriend took me for lunch... Ah gyros; delightful.

Missouri in the summer brings to mind mild versions of hell but if you wear a sundress and stand in the shade its not totally unbearable. But I do hate summer.

Life has been fast in a lazy and slow kind of way. My job doesn't give me enough hours so I've set my sights on becoming a barista at Starbucks. It's been fun to "keep house" thus far, we even had a poker night last night.

I bought cute saucers today with bright sunflowers on them for 29 cents! Mmm... Thrift stores!

Well, its time to sign off as I am just rambling. It feels good to get some words written out and sent into the void even if no one specifically reads them... :)

frustration

I am very frustrated that I cannot keep up this blog any more due to a lack of internet access... I will be back though... one day.