bye

Saying good-bye to someone is always a strange experience for me. Will I see them again? What will transpire while we are apart? Is the impact of how much I will miss them truly conveyed through my hug and, "good-bye"?

Something I hate; no matter where I go I will always be saying good-bye to someone.

hope

I'm so tired of hoping. When hope gets speared time and time again I don't want to hope anymore. It's a defense mechanism. If I don't put hope in you, I can't be disappointed by you. You don't have the power to make me sad if I don't choose to give it to you.

I don't want to give it to you anymore.

perspective

I've spent a lot of time telling people what I believe with all my heart... but when it comes down to application and participation will I hold up what I think is right? Rubber; I would like to introduce you to Road. You two will become good friends.

old and improved

This blog has become too... can I use the word "public"? I find that word choice odd since I only know of two people who actually read this. I use the word public to describe it though because almost since the beginning of this blog I've written for others and not for myself. I am currently reacquainting myself with the younger me via my old Xanga posts and I must say that I miss me. She had a lot of faults but she was a much better writer than I currently am.

I'm sorry me. I think I've let you down. At 21 didn't you expect to have published something? Hadn't you planned on living in Europe? I don't apologize to you for who I am, but I do apologize to you for selling out. I sold us out to shallow thoughts, unfinished dreams and laziness. No more.

It will take time. But I will change.

I will not lose myself in another person. He may be the bee's knees, but he is himself and I must be me. I know he will love me no matter what I do, but right now I'm honestly more concerned with how I feel about myself.

And so we come to the classic beginning of the end; or is it the end of the beginning once I post this?

brownies

New In Town... watch it! Soooo cute! Funny too. It's even better if watched with a plate of warm brownies on the side, and maybe a silly red head.

to dream

Mrs. Darling: There are many different kinds of bravery. There's the bravery of thinking of others before one's self. Now, your father has never brandished a sword nor fired a pistol, thank heavens. But he has made many sacrifices for his family, and put away many dreams.

Michael: Where did he put them?

Mrs. Darling: He put them in a drawer. And sometimes, late at night, we take them out and admire them. But it gets harder and harder to close the drawer... He does. And that is why he is brave.

I hope we never have to put away all of our dreams. If we do, we'll give them the very best of drawers. But best case scenario, that drawer will be filled with socks and underwear instead.

weekend review

This weekend was gone so fast... It started out full of fall-ness when my darling took me to a corn maze that came with a hay ride and a pumpkin ripe for carving! We felt like being silly in the pitch dark maze so we howled like wolves just to see who would howl back. We received responses from most of the people in the maze. It was great.

Sunday lunch was hilarious, we met up with a friend of Patrick's from work and had a jolly old time with him, his wife and each of us brought our perspective "third wheels". I hadn't laughed as hard as I did during lunch in a long time. I see good friends in our future.

We home, carved my first pumpkin and then ate pizza!

After pizza and pumpkin seed roasting we went to the Pink's for some music and laughs and walked away with an invitation to a masquerade in November! I'm super excited...

these are a few...

I can't think of what to be for Halloween so I thought I would list some of my favorite things to see if that would help. Plus, I LOVE making lists.

Butterflies
Chocolate
1940's nostalgia
Snuggling in a blanket when its cold
Scarves
Seinfeld
Books
Artful photography
Silly kitties
Mascara
Bamboo bed sheets
Colorful flowers
Hoopskirts
Homemade rolls
Glass bottles and jars of all shapes and sizes
Random excursions
Laughter
Starbucks
Pirates (The Errol Flynn kind)
Black and white movies
Fruity candies
A nice pair of jeans
Jane Austen
Witty comebacks
Mountains
Driving fast
Sword fights
Penguins
Rainy days
Bonfires with s'mores
Fabric
Patrick
Audrey Hepburn
Katherine Hepburn
Buttery (very bad for you) pop corn
Running
Candles
Weeping Willows
Unexpected colors

Hmm... that didn't really give me any ideas for a costume.

years ago

I think you are lonely. Maybe that's why you hold everything in? Yeah... makes no sense to me either.

gummy

Gummy bears - delicious. In my work scrubs I have a pocket just for gummy bears. Look at this chandelier.

I'm craving a bonfire... and marshmallows and hot dogs... yum. Oh yeah, and parties hosted by OTHER PEOPLE.

I also want to go to a haunted house or on a haunted trail as I've never done that before. I also think I will be dressing up for Halloween and trick-or-treating for the first time EVER. I'm 21. But I don't know what to be... Any ideas?

I need to get my camera out and take some fantastic pictures. Its been a while since I worked some photography awesomeness.

My roomie is coming home tonight after visiting her family & friends back home. It was nice to have the apartment to myself but it got lonely sometimes. So I guess even as an introvert, I like living with someone. I think the best balance is having my own room but being able to step outside and find someone to hang out with anytime I want.

crack

I hit my breaking point. There was a lot less noise when I broke than I expected. It also hurts a hell of a lot more.

duh

I'm starting to realize that Things don't matter.

All over again I am learning this.

happy

Today I really love my life. I'm relaxed yet productive. Happy yet realistic. Energized yet not hyper. Getting alone time but also having a blast with friends.

It's a happy day, weekend, week and I just thought it boded some mention.

outnumbered

I had a fantastic evening at Laura's bridal shower. It was like, engaged-girl heaven, there were two other engaged girls and I didn't feel alone any more! I can't tell you how lovely it felt to be free to tell cute stories about our men, discuss center pieces and be genuinely happy.

Cuz here's the deal:

Guy gets engaged = other guys happy for him, proud of him & admire him.
Girl gets engaged = other girls jealous of her, ignore her stories & pretend they are superior since they are still single.

And you probably think I'm making this up...

drunken sailor

What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor, earl-lie in the morning...?

I'm not sure why but that bit of song is stuck in my head.

Patrick and I have been reading the Harry Potter series together. By together I mean that he is two books ahead of me. We are having fun talking about the characters, making Muggle references and wishing we could use charms and wizard items from the books. I like the books themselves, but reading them with him has made them 100% better!

Do you ever read a book that takes you back to a certain time in your life? Or have a certain time of year push you towards reading certain books? I do.

what goes up...

... must come down.

I'm on a seesaw... not sure how I feel about this, well, I'm sure - but I'm not sure how to feel better about this. You want to do this... and I think it's a waste. But its important to you... and I don't understand.

In the end... I'm just angry. again.

Whats yours is not mine... but I don't feel like what's mine is mine either... very upsetting. I'm not the only one making sacrifices. But it feels like it... quite often.