happy thoughts

I'm feeling down today...

So I'm going to make a list of things that make me happy

Maybe I can cheer myself up!

Rainydays are gloomy but still one of my favorite things; its rainy today

Tomorrow I set off on a trip to see my family for the first time in THREE months

I will be getting my REAL engagement ring soon...!!! (hopefully in the next 12 hours)

Saturday I will have two bridal showers thanks to people who love me

I'm growing ever happier with the person I'm becoming

Mexican and Chinese food two days in a row: Yum.

Reliving college days with a friend last night was so much fun

I'm cutting myself some slack

Orbitz (evil! stay away from them!) should be refunding my money in the next 5 days

30 Rock via Netflix has been my little sip of humor every now and then

daffodils & iris

Such a spring-like day outside!

My mom is a fan of daffodils and she is one of the first to spot the Iris popping through the snow

I hope there are as many flowers here as there are in Iowa!

green

Its been lovely today to see everyone in green

Green is my favorite color!

I've been thinking of the green river in Chicago today

It's been a year ago next week that I was in Chicago working with Inner City Impact.

I love that city.

Richard Jeni said:

"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"

Chicago is the closest I've come to NYC so far

I love the huge buildings screaming CITY

right next to the vast expanse of lake Michigan and the parks that cry NATURE.

Wonderful. Wonderful.

Maybe I'll discover that I like Chicago more than NYC.

We'll have to wait and see

I'm ready for an adventure again.

Chicago was my most recent grand adventure

So I'll leave you with this picture in tribute

notice

A beautiful day happened to me today

We finished our pre-marital counseling

And my darling took me on a date

Dinner, dancing and buying ties for the wedding!
Two-step, waltz, west coast swing and The Cupid Shuffle
We danced 'em all.

I love him.
I knew I had to have a man who danced.

I've been asking God to show me all of his good points so I will love him even more

Its really working.

I keep noticing new things about him

Smiling at witty things he says

Prayer does so much more than I think it will

I think I'll pray about some other stuff and see what happens

error room

Let it Be... I just love The Beatles

I would have been a fantastic hippie

Too bad I missed the '70's

Anyway, I don't like to put gas into my car

I always think, "there is something more important I could do with this money, I'm sure".

And so my poor Stratus gets dehydrated often

But never as badly as it did Saturday on the way to work

No gas and a couple of steps toward walking to work later a car pulled up next to me

She offered me a ride and I accepted.

Afterward I got to thinking as I usually run my life through analysisto detect any lessons I should be catching on to...

I usually scorn people's lack of preparation for life

Being late, losing things, forgetting things

Oddly enough, (I think God calls in Irony?), I've been that person lately

Not putting gas in my car made me feel so stupid

But three people helped me out and none of them chastised me

It also put me in a position where I had to accept help

I don't like that.

I like to be on top of things

The girl who has it all together

But one doesn't learn very well like that

At least, this one doesn't

If I never allow anyone to see my weakness

am I real?

Will they ever get close to me?

It was strange to be the one being helped instead of the one helping.

As a first born, INTJ, Beaver/Lion 

I'm used to being in charge and taking care of others

I'm softly learning humility

But its hard.

You don't want other people to witness things you aren't proud of

But they aren't proud of theirs either.

The more we error, the more we leave room for people to love us.

sun

Sitting on an old beach towel 

with a book in hand on the back porch

I felt sun for the first time since winter.

Anne Lamott is the perfect companion 

in such surroundings...

I love having a day off,

Especially when its so beautiful outside!
I miss being in nature.

interpret

I want to tell these stories.

To share.

But I don't know where to start.

They don't emerge in the alphabetical, 

grammatically correct way that I want them to.

I think too much

To write what you know, you have to know something.

I can't keep saying I have a dream if I'm never going to chase it.

families

A few nights ago I watched a family walk into a Chinese place

and I felt sad because I don't have a family here.

I miss going places with my family

eating together, playing cards.

Just riding in the car.

Everywhere you go you need some sort of a family.

I have friends here who have created their own

family away from family

And I want that too.

Soon Patrick and I will become a family

but sometimes you need more than two.

Roomie and I talked about starting frequent "family dinnr" nights

That would be so nice.
There's just something about eating together,
you know?

But how do you pick a family?

Who should eat with us?

That's the nice thing about real family

you are stuck with them, they aren't chosen.

*wink, wink*

2 months

Ok, this is just getting crazy.

 I'm living in two places, feeling like a child caught in a divorce.

I'm so excited about the new apartment and I want to spend all of my time there,

 but I don't live there yet so all of my stuff is missing.

And I feel like I've abandonded my roommate which makes me feel really bad,

 but I don't know what to do.

I'm also running out of food because I don't have time to stay home and make anything.

So at work I eat crackers and cheese more often than not.

Maybe its just this week.

Maybe things will calm down.

Maybe I have a huge list of things I need to do

and no time to do them.

Maybe I need to grow up and take my life back.

I have excellent time management skills.

I need to use them.

I just really hate this place. This limbo between married and not married.

Its frustrating, upsetting, confusing.

And I'm not sure anyone gets it right now.

I want to take a day off.

Walk through a park

Breathe in.

Brethe out.

HAVE ALL OF MY THINGS IN ONE PLACE.

This is seriously a huge issue for me.

Ok, no more whining.

I just needed to do some therapy writing.

Thanks for standig by!

too many

How does one keep up with so many people?

I want to stay current with everyone

But there is not enough time

Not enough energy. 

Not even for my closest family and friends.

It makes me so sad.

I'm at a loss.

What do I do?