granted

So, I told you that when God worked everything out and pulled it all off I would let you know with a huge smile on my face. Well, I'm smiling. :D

I live with a wonderful girl and have extremely cheap rent; a college friend let me borrow her bike for the summer; my boyfriend lets me use his car to get to work; I HAVE A JOB; my church is probably going to support my brother and I as we go to NYC on a mission trip; a new friend took me out for dinner when I didn't know what I was going to eat that day; rides to far away weddings; my parents have given me monetary support which has helped beyond explanation; I passed all of my classes... and so on and so forth!

Everyday I see the ways God provides for me. It doesn't mean life is perfect, it doesn't mean I don't put work in to get results. But I know he wants me here right now and he is making that possible where I thought impossibility reigned.

I have learned about trusting God this month; but one of the biggest things that sticks out to me is learning that you have to let people help you. I've never liked to rely on people for anything, I always want to do it all myself. I don't like to share my problems... but I've been humbled and realized that if I don't share my problems then no one can help me solve them. God is ultimately in control but he works through the people all around me so much. Without them... I don't know where I would be.

ready... set... create!

I am looking forward to creativity... this summer I want to...

• Write a new song (It's been two years! Disgraceful!)
• Make art with paint chips from Wal-Mart
• Paint something
• Take many, many photos
• Write like there is no tomorrow (my dreams will not make themselves happen...)
• Sew a little something
• Cook up something wonderful (or bake...)
• Learn to be a better dancer
• Train my voice so I have a better range

I will beautify the world around me whenever I can!

ball of nerves

I am angry, upset, frustrated, stressed, worried, uptight and stuck...

I have no control. No control over my circumstances, the people around me or the many things I have to do.

I have no job, no car, dwindling funds, no house key, headaches, finals, lots and lots of noise, close friends leaving, family events without me... I want to just run away and hide... and possibly cry.

God will work everything out, I know He will. Its so hard to wait and feel so lost and helpless. I need Him to come through... soon. I am trusting Him with all of this. I KNOW that He will pull it off... I know He will, I've seen Him do it before. And when He does, I will tell you all about it with a huge smile on my face because He is amazing.

He will come through for me.

<3

Sometimes I cannot believe how wonderful you are...

ignored

Words. When you don't speak you don't love me. You do not care. I wish this made sense to you. Your cold shoulder takes the form of an unanswered question, one that lingers behind my words and glances... even my happy smiles.

Words. Bane of my existence; to try to capture the thoughts, feelings and meaning of this for you.

Words. Shiver; quiet; wish; breath; closed; try; hurt; redundant; unspoken; for granted; cellphone; one moment; passed; regret; alone; empty; disconnected; gesture; thought; later; broken; misgivings; attention; no; crushed.

be all there

I hate when people are late. I view chronically late people as lazy, inconsiderate and above all; Rude. My time is valuable to me and I hate to waste it.

But sometimes I spend too much time planning, scheduling and watching the clock.

I was with some friends the other day and I kept looking at my phone to check the time so I could leave and get on with the next thing I had to do. Then I realized; I like these people. I like them. Why am I counting down the minutes until I leave them, shouldn't I be savoring each moment?

"Wherever you are, be all there," said Jim Elliot.

Some people are late because they ARE rude and inconsiderate. But some people are late because they are enjoying each moment they have with the people they are already with. They may strive to be on time but always come up a few minutes short because they are exerting themselves right where they are... they are loving, laughing and talking to people other than you. Other than me.

One of my professors recently said to the class, "If you get offended often you need to take a step back. Who are you, what make's you such a big deal that you have the right to be offended about something someone does to you?"

Who am I, to take so much offense?

Wherever I am, I want to start being all there.

to sum it up

Someone unknown once said, "You are the sum of your choices," and I really like that because it takes all of the blame off of other people and places the ability to change things like your habits, words, actions and attitudes on to you.

I am trying to make good choices.

wilt

i've lost too much blood... i'm just not strong anymore.

tolstoy

Everybody thinks of changing humanity and nobody thinks of chaning himself. -Leo Tolstoy

koffee klatch

It's been rainy and lovely lately. Yesterday we visted the (FREE!) Spiva art museum and then went to the Butterfly Koffee Klatch because they moved so we were finally able to locate them! :)

Itallian Cream Soda... delicious!