sunrise

The sun rose!

God has come through, as usual.

He is so good to us. So good.

My man got the job. 

Thank you God.

I need to trust you more.

love note

muffin love

Its cold out and the sun reminds me of fall.

I want to make muffins!

I like big muffins, (not muffin tops though)

And not muffins that are THIS big!

pancakes & friends

Its national pancake day!

Some of my friends and I are going to celebrate by heading to IHOP tonight for the FREE PANCAKES!

Yum.

On a different note; can I just say how much I miss having a posse of friends?
In high school I did everything with the same group of people
We always had fun and all loved each other
Now everything is divided.
College friends. Life group friends. Friends from home.
I want a posse back.

sunrise

I have a lot of things I want to complain about. 

To worry aloud about.

I don't know if you want to hear them or not.

I'm supposed to be trusting right now.

But I'm getting so frustrated.

Doesn't He see we need help?

Doesn't He know what is happening?

I'm trying to smile and be happy.

It's not too hard. Only in the really dark moments.

The moments when the day is done and I'm left to think.

I don't want to trust You.

But You haven't failed me yet.

It's always darkest before the dawn, right?

There must be one hell of a sunrise about to hit the horizon.

I'll keep waiting, trusting, hoping and praying.

He will come through.

He will.

He must.

There is nothing left that I can do.

I think that's just the way He likes it

oats & rain

Its the perfect morning for oatmeal.

 

Its rainy and cool. Two of my favorites.

air head

Something is wrong with me lately and its really starting to scare me.

I can't type correctly, my fingers stumble between the keys

There are gaps in my memory that have never happened before

I will grasp at a memory for hours and not even a clue will emerge

I wish I knew what is wrong with me

Its frustrating and frankly a little scary

I've never felt like this before...

Like I'm losing the capabilities of my mind.

Its very upsetting.

currently dreaming of...

A big white victorian house just outside of the city

A few acres of green-as-Ireland land

Wrap-around porch

Big, airy kitchen with miles of counter tops

Smiling faces to cook good food and tasty goodies for

Laughter floating in from the porch

A gingham apron to tie around my waist

A breeze drifting in from the open window

Sun pouring like honey over my mixing bowl

I miss living in a house.

solitary

The chipper, cheery
Bright and laughing,
Dislike me the most.
But the quiet, thoughtful,
Introspective,
I am like their ghost.

Haunting them
I hover and taunt.
I'm out of reach most days.
After me
Like a drug they've sought
The fix so far away.

What am I?

I the ellusive, coveted,
Solitude.

vancouver 2010

so... the Olympics... 

Maybe I'm supposed to care more

But I just don't

Unless you're doing a crazy sport like skiing with a gun strapped to your back

now there's a sport I might like

admire

Its hard to feel admiration for any one when you are as critical as I am.

 

But I felt admiration for someone and their abilities today.

 

Victory is mine!

 

The fight against my cynical nature is working!

 

Slowly but surely... one fight at a time

show

nothing can haunt you like a song

gorgeous

 

  

  

  

 

sunshine

I want to be sunshine

Yellow warmth of love and happiness soaking everything I come in contact with

I feel like sunshine today

There are so many reasons to be negetive, down, depressed

To complain

But nobody wants to dwell on those things

Nobody wants to hear those things

and

it doesn't help anyone

We do it because its easier

Since when did easy become better?

Do something hard today:

Smile when you want to frown

Encourage when you want to complain

Give when you usually take

Be the best you that you can

happiness

I've spent too much time thinking about myself today.

I want to be someone who is devoted to bringing about other's happiness.

And through their happiness enjoy my own.

eric bana

Dear premarital teacher man, (who bears a shocking resemblance to Eric Bana in the movie Troy) :

I guess I can't really call you that since you aren't a licensed professional... even though the church insists we should listen to you for advice about our almost marriage, (and you DO look like Eric Bana, which I find a bit sketchy...)

I dislike the way you pretend to bond with us by telling obscure and pointless stories from your own life that take longer to tell than they actually did to live out.

And even though you keep trying to pry the "rose colored glasses" from my eyes, I keep telling you I lost those long ago and now you are just scratching up my corneas with all of your probing.

Also, making us watch a video of someone else doing premarital counseling doesn't really count as you doing your job... I know you were over there playing solitaire on your laptop in the corner. 

FYI, from a girl to you... if there is any sort of crying involved, staring with bursts of nervous laughter probably isn't the best way to go. If you have a problem with emotions you might want to consider a different field of work, or just take couples who grew up on army bases.

Thats all for now, looking forward to never seeing you again.

-Jessie

humorless

I miss being funny.

I've been reading this funny website lately, tears gathering in the corners of my eyes at work and I keep thinking, I could write this! I am that funny! But where has my humor gone?

I think sometimes I get so focused on a project (like a wedding) and I forget to be funny.

I write posts about whats going on, but not about my thoughts.

I would like to get back to some humor... I'll have to figure out how to start...

Rants.

That's it. I need to start ranting again. Gosh, its been a long time since I got to have a really good rant.
Lately they all happen in my head, or Patrick's ears.

The only problem with rants is that there are some things in your life you just can't rant about because you have no idea who reads your blog...

You know what I mean?

bright star

Roomie and I watched Bright Star tonight and while neither of us actually liked the movie, it reminded me how much I love poetry... and words in general.

It's time to pick up my pen again.

A pen in one hand and a book in the other.

I need some new volumes of poetry.

Poetry is truly old fashioned, very few still dabble in poetry and even then, its not like it was before.

Poetry and love? I like what Elizabeth has to say on the subject. I quite agree.
(And I adore dancing.)

Elizabeth Bennet: And that put paid to it. I wonder who first discovered the power of poetry in driving away love?

Mr. Darcy: I thought that poetry was the food of love.

Elizabeth Bennet: Of a fine stout love, it may. But if it is only a vague inclination I'm convinced one poor sonnet will kill it stone dead

Mr. Darcy: So what do you recommend to encourage affection?

Elizabeth Bennet: Dancing. Even if one's partner is barely tolerable.

feburry

Its February first! This month looks to be good.

My brother and fake brother are comig to visit!

Patrick's birthday will be a blast!

New friends are proving quite fun.

Honeymoon plans have stopped vexing me.
And this will be the first Valentines Day we've ever spent together.