homesick? or heartsick?

Every semester I just keep wondering if college is really for me. I love being with the people and learning new things but its just too much…

Everything is too fast, too loud, too funny, too serious…

You would think I’d feel more in control at school, away from authorities, making my own decisions. But I feel like I have less control here than anywhere else. And I’m going absolutely crazy. My skin is crawling with the urge to get out.

I went to a good friend’s house last night and it was wonderful. Relaxing and homey. A space of her own. I miss that. Right now I would give just about anything to get out of here and back to the real world. I always start out liking it here but then I slowly realize that I don’t think this is for me.

I wish God would show me what to do. I am so lost. He is not far from me, but he is so quiet. I see in other people’s lives how things are opening up for them and opportunities arise… I’m waiting for that while trying to be proactive but there is nothing.

I am three months away from my 21st birthday and I feel like I am wasting my life…