granted

So, I told you that when God worked everything out and pulled it all off I would let you know with a huge smile on my face. Well, I'm smiling. :D

I live with a wonderful girl and have extremely cheap rent; a college friend let me borrow her bike for the summer; my boyfriend lets me use his car to get to work; I HAVE A JOB; my church is probably going to support my brother and I as we go to NYC on a mission trip; a new friend took me out for dinner when I didn't know what I was going to eat that day; rides to far away weddings; my parents have given me monetary support which has helped beyond explanation; I passed all of my classes... and so on and so forth!

Everyday I see the ways God provides for me. It doesn't mean life is perfect, it doesn't mean I don't put work in to get results. But I know he wants me here right now and he is making that possible where I thought impossibility reigned.

I have learned about trusting God this month; but one of the biggest things that sticks out to me is learning that you have to let people help you. I've never liked to rely on people for anything, I always want to do it all myself. I don't like to share my problems... but I've been humbled and realized that if I don't share my problems then no one can help me solve them. God is ultimately in control but he works through the people all around me so much. Without them... I don't know where I would be.

ready... set... create!

I am looking forward to creativity... this summer I want to...

• Write a new song (It's been two years! Disgraceful!)
• Make art with paint chips from Wal-Mart
• Paint something
• Take many, many photos
• Write like there is no tomorrow (my dreams will not make themselves happen...)
• Sew a little something
• Cook up something wonderful (or bake...)
• Learn to be a better dancer
• Train my voice so I have a better range

I will beautify the world around me whenever I can!

ball of nerves

I am angry, upset, frustrated, stressed, worried, uptight and stuck...

I have no control. No control over my circumstances, the people around me or the many things I have to do.

I have no job, no car, dwindling funds, no house key, headaches, finals, lots and lots of noise, close friends leaving, family events without me... I want to just run away and hide... and possibly cry.

God will work everything out, I know He will. Its so hard to wait and feel so lost and helpless. I need Him to come through... soon. I am trusting Him with all of this. I KNOW that He will pull it off... I know He will, I've seen Him do it before. And when He does, I will tell you all about it with a huge smile on my face because He is amazing.

He will come through for me.

<3

Sometimes I cannot believe how wonderful you are...

ignored

Words. When you don't speak you don't love me. You do not care. I wish this made sense to you. Your cold shoulder takes the form of an unanswered question, one that lingers behind my words and glances... even my happy smiles.

Words. Bane of my existence; to try to capture the thoughts, feelings and meaning of this for you.

Words. Shiver; quiet; wish; breath; closed; try; hurt; redundant; unspoken; for granted; cellphone; one moment; passed; regret; alone; empty; disconnected; gesture; thought; later; broken; misgivings; attention; no; crushed.

be all there

I hate when people are late. I view chronically late people as lazy, inconsiderate and above all; Rude. My time is valuable to me and I hate to waste it.

But sometimes I spend too much time planning, scheduling and watching the clock.

I was with some friends the other day and I kept looking at my phone to check the time so I could leave and get on with the next thing I had to do. Then I realized; I like these people. I like them. Why am I counting down the minutes until I leave them, shouldn't I be savoring each moment?

"Wherever you are, be all there," said Jim Elliot.

Some people are late because they ARE rude and inconsiderate. But some people are late because they are enjoying each moment they have with the people they are already with. They may strive to be on time but always come up a few minutes short because they are exerting themselves right where they are... they are loving, laughing and talking to people other than you. Other than me.

One of my professors recently said to the class, "If you get offended often you need to take a step back. Who are you, what make's you such a big deal that you have the right to be offended about something someone does to you?"

Who am I, to take so much offense?

Wherever I am, I want to start being all there.

to sum it up

Someone unknown once said, "You are the sum of your choices," and I really like that because it takes all of the blame off of other people and places the ability to change things like your habits, words, actions and attitudes on to you.

I am trying to make good choices.

wilt

i've lost too much blood... i'm just not strong anymore.

tolstoy

Everybody thinks of changing humanity and nobody thinks of chaning himself. -Leo Tolstoy

koffee klatch

It's been rainy and lovely lately. Yesterday we visted the (FREE!) Spiva art museum and then went to the Butterfly Koffee Klatch because they moved so we were finally able to locate them! :)

Itallian Cream Soda... delicious!

pg 210

"All knowledge is spendable currency, depending on the market." - Bailey

knight

My knight went on an adventure today and brought these back for me... :)

down at the crick

I was sitting down by the creek tonight, doing some homework and dangling my feet in the water. I kept getting distracted by the water, brilliant greens and little bird sounds all around me and I kept getting distracted by God.

God is like water; sustainer of all life, beautiful, mysterious, refreshing, strong and gentle. And did you know that if you let water work long enough it will eventually remove any stain...?

We spend too much time inside. We were created to live outside. I love nature. Unless it's a bug... I hate that kind of nature. :)

GET OFF YOUR COMPUTER AND GO OUTSIDE! Wake up and have an adventure...

bedtime

You know... I think TV shows and movies are just grownup bedtime stories...

comment please

There is a couple I know who are engaged and they just got married. But they got married about two months before their wedding...

What do you guys think about getting married before your actual wedding?

Just something interesting and out of the ordinary for your minds to chew on today. Mine is. Leave me a comment and let me know what you think about this idea.

nomad

I’m coming to the end (ish) of my time here at Ozark and I kind of feel like I cheated myself. I’ve lived on three different floors in four semesters. Looking back I wish I would have stayed on G2 because at least I would have been with them through my whole two years. As it stands now I am claimed by no one because I never stayed long enough or got close enough.

Sometimes I’m not very good at community… but is that really true? Tonight at devos they were talking about how we have such great community in our dorm/floor and how we need to branch out and spread that community to others on campus. And I sat there, looked around me and noted that none of my closest friends were in that group. My friends are scattered. I have friends in every dorm and I love it… maybe that’s why I don’t feel so close to my dorm as everyone else does.

Whatever it is, it bothers me. I feel like I missed out on something. You can’t have everything in life and I’m not going to sit around regretting my decisions but if I had it all to do over again, I think I would do it just a little bit differently.

homework

My constant thorn in the flesh...

family

Families are so strange. We all think our families are messed up until we go out, view other families and realize just how sane ours actually are.

There are family of origin issues; family rules; things we do and don't talk about... its a crazy cycle. We all have things we don't like about our families but famlies are made up of people; and people are not perfect so we should never expect our family to be perfect. But knowing that perfection cannot be attained should never keep us from trying to do the best we can.

My family can drive me crazy sometimes but I really love them all.

deception

When you find out someone’s deceiving you… you instantly distrust everything they have ever said or done. You hold up your relationship to the light and search for the inconsistencies in it, the flaws that keep it from sparkling.

What if the relationship is very old, and thus should be weathered... yet it remains as a collectable in a box, only taken out once and awhile to be shown off.

Disgraceful.

smile

Sometimes you just need the people around you to be happy. To take notice of the small things and delight in them. To laugh with you and remind you that life is beautiful even when things loom over you. God created the sunshine that makes me sweat and makes the green grass dazzle.

I'm tired of being crabby. It's time to smile.