yourself is ok

When I started this new blog I decided that I was going to make it less personal. Less personal and more “fun” and “trendy”, mirroring some of the other blogs I like to read. But that’s just not me. I mean, it’s a part of me, but not close to even a quarter of who I am.

(Just because it wasn’t as personal before doesn’t mean I’m suddenly going to go all Oprah on you, okay friends? P.S. I do actually enjoy Oprah though.)

I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to Be Yourself.

Next week my friend has two British soccer players coming to stay with her for the week and we’ve been planning stuff to do with them and thinking about all that and I was foolishly thinking in my foolish mind “They’re awesome people from Brittan, I want to make a good impression on them - blah blah blah…” then it hit me (reality, again– heh). They are just people.

The person I was making myself into didn’t look like me, act like me or say things I would say. I didn’t like that person much. She had Jennifer-Aniston-straight-hair, sweet high heels and a friend’s cute borrowed outfit - but Jessie Denbow wasn’t really around there anywhere. So I’m shedding all of that. If some guys from Brittan won’t be my friend because I’m wearing jeans, no lipstick and have a PLAID purse, then I guess I really don’t want to waste my time getting to know them. Besides, that girl they would have been friends with, wasn't me anyway. I want to give them the benefit of the doubt though. It’s not that I think they will scorn me if I don’t look a certain way; it was just all in my head.

I tend to play a lot of mind games with myself. Some of them are very good and help me to keep up good habits and all that jazz… but other ones are not good, they are very destructive but the destruction takes awhile to recognize.

I’ve been thinking and learning a lot lately but I won’t post it all right now because I’m guessing that reading a book that long on a computer screen wouldn’t be good for your eyes. But I do want to blog more about what I’m living and learning, I learn best when I am telling someone about things so even if no one reads this, I will at least read it over myself sometime and maybe learn something I needed to know.

-Good-night