parts of the whole

Time used to be such a precious commodity but now I have too much of it and I don’t know what to do with it…
***
I’ve been reading so much about multiple personality disorders lately that I’ve grown to have an unhealthy wish of having one myself. I use to wonder if I had multiple personalities when I first got to school. I’ve always been a “moody” person and all of my pieces didn’t always fit together so well…

I can't remember most of my life from ages 10-15... it's a very strange feeling. I can only see snapshots of a life.

I still don’t really have an answer.

But I do work on ways to blend myself together into one person. I can’t tell for sure if it’s working, I don't think I’ve never “lost time” (except for that teenage weirdness mentioned above) so I’m pretty sure I don’t have any other personalities. Mine is just… unstable.
***
I find myself standing back at times, watching myself. I don’t always like what I see. Other times I do. I made progress this summer but when I got back to school I let go of everything I’d worked for.

I don’t think school is good for me.

It’s fake. And so I am fake.

I’m trying to find reasons to stay. But the reasons to go are mounting.

But I don’t want to leave.

Because I’m afraid

What is there after school…?

What is the next logical step